Not in this lifetime
by Aleesh87
Summary: Oneshot, a bittersweet story taken place after the game.


_authors note: okay so my first real attempt at original dragon age fanfiction, it's really bittersweet. you've been warned :p_

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Like the well trained Teryn's daughter she was, Elissa Cousland smiled at the wedding between Alistair and Anora. She rubbed elbows with all the other nobles at the reception, and even managed to laugh at their lame jokes. It wasn't even near as awkward as she had played it out in her head, although she supposed that was due to hardly even catching a glimpse of the king through all the people in the reception hall. It was definitely a case of too many nobles in a tiny space.

"You know, Lissa, Lady Cecile used to say that you're happy because you smile, not the other way around." Leliana came up behind the surprisingly well composed Hero of Ferelden.

"Why shouldn't I smile? I'm happy for them, and this is a very lovely wedding! Have you tried the scones? If people weren't watching me so intently, I would probably sweep the whole tray into my purse and sneak back to the compound." Elissa smiled coyly, watching the rogue's face turn from concern to amusement.

"Don't you wish it was you, even a little? I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't bring the past up, but I'm just such a hopeless romantic, and I always thought…" Leliana started stumbling for words, already afraid she ruined Elissa's night. But Maker be damned the bard was curious.

"Leli…" Elissa sighed, suddenly wishing that she had stuck all the scones in her purse and made a bee line for the exit "this isn't a fairy tale. I'm no damsel in distress and Alistair is no knight in shining armor." Elissa paused, reflecting on the facts "okay well maybe it was like that, a little, but life hardly turns out like they say in bed time stories. I wasn't meant to ride off into the sunset with my prince and live happily ever after."

"But," Leliana started

"But nothing Leli. Now can we please change the subject? Fairy tales end where they do for a reason, and life goes on." Elissa stopped there, as she saw her red haired friend's face turn into a quite unbecoming scowl. "So, have you tried the scones?"

Leliana's face softened, but she still looked perturbed. "No, butterflies have been circling my stomach all night. I have to sing and I'm afraid that if I eat even one bite I will spew chunks all over the first row." The two girls had quite a laugh at the imagery, and at the time when the guard came to tell Leliana they were ready for her song, there was no trace of bitterness on either face. The petite red headed bard left to sing for all the nobles of Ferelden, and Elissa stood back, hoping to be as inconspicuous as the drapes.

"Maker woman, I'd swear you were a rogue with how you've been hiding in the shadows all night." Leliana was on her third song already, and Elissa thought she'd have a good chance at leaving unnoticed.

"I'm sorry, your Majesty" Elissa smiled, more at the fact that her heart didn't sink into her gut in his presence, as she had feared.

"May I have this dance?" Alistair asked timidly

"Of course" Elissa nodded, following his lead out to the dance floor. The Teryn's daughter was wearing a plain purple dress with a metallic gold sash around her stomach, as was fashionable of the nobles at the time. Her dark hair was pulled into the typical nobles bun, and absolutely nothing about her was fancy, which she found to fit her mood quite nicely. Of course, it wasn't quite as fitting of the occasion.

Nevertheless, "You look lovely" the king stated as he lead her in dance.

"Thank you." Elissa stated dryly, noting the distance that was kept between their bodies.

"I owe you an apology" he sighed. It was all so bittersweet.

"No, you don't owe me anything, your Majesty." Elissa was looking at her feet, as this was the conversation she was hoping to never have, if she could help it.

"The Warden's from Orlais, they told me. If I would have known, I wouldn't have left. And maybe then-"

"Stop." The female Warden shook her head violently, and stopped dancing, causing Alistair to step on her foot. Feeling that she was about to start a scene, she picked her pace back up to match his. "I couldn't have been that girl anyway. I was never meant to be your Andraste."

"But that doesn't mean that we couldn't have tried. I'm just so sorry about all the awful things I said, I didn't mean-" Alistair was hushed by a finger to his lips, and he looked down at the blue eyed warden.

"Don't" Elissa started, the girl who was so scared of her heart sinking into her stomach, was surprised to find it in her throat. Tears were stinging in her eyes, threatening to fall down her cheeks and splash on the wooden floors of the reception hall. She wanted to say that it didn't matter now, that all that mattered was that he was alive, that there will be no Old God spawn out of Morrigan, that Ferelden was safe now, and that maybe in some other life they could have been together. "You'll be happy here" was what she managed to get out.

"What about you?" Alistair asked, as the song was coming to an end and he had to let her go.

Elissa looked up at him, blinking back the tears. "I'm a Grey Warden, my happiness is forfeit for the greater good. And this is the greater good."

The king nodded, and his eyes seemed to possess an understanding that wasn't there at the beginning of the night. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly "Will you stay?" he asked, too much hope and promise behind his hazel eyes.

"The Blight may be over, your Majesty, but I still have a world to save. Thank you for the dance." Elissa didn't wait for his reaction as she turned away, her footsteps getting lighter with every stride she put between herself and the king, and only when she got back to the Cousland compound did she allow the tears to come, crying herself to sleep as she successfully blended into the draperies.


End file.
